Incoherency and Circumstance
by Suti Ookami
Summary: Something's gone terribly wrong and it's up to Sonic as usual! That's pretty standard, isn't it? I'd tell you more but I don't wanna spoil it.


"Incoherency and Circumstance"  
A Sonic the Hedgehog fanfiction  
By Suti Ookami  
  
It was just another balmy day on the hot beaches of the Emerald Coast. Sonic laid in the recliner under the umbrella, relaxing and enjoying the weather. Of course, little did he know what madness laid before him in the future.   
Sonic was just about to make another run to the nearest drink cart to get another lemonade when the white sand of the beach abruptly came up and met his face. Because of his sudden headache and no memory of tripping, he came to the conclusion that he was, in fact, struck from behind. This was confirmed when a foot came down sharply on his back.  
"OW! Hey, what was that for?" Sonic whirled around and came face to face with, to his surprise, the silhouette of Shadow. The sun glared down brightly behind him, making sight difficult, but there was no mistaking the quills spiked like Super Sonic's. This was entirely shocking, since Sonic had this recollection of Shadow being dead.  
"Sh-shadow?" the blue hedgehog gasped, "What are you doing here? You're kinda dead!"  
  
Shadow: No Im not I hate you oh Maria!  
  
"Er... beg pardon?"  
  
Shadow: Oh Im so depressed. Maria!!11one  
  
Sonic blinked, and gently removed Shadow's foot. Shadow continued babbling in the odd script format as Sonic found himself running as fast as he could in the opposite direction. His rival all the while stood stammering in bad English at no one in particular.  
"That was bizarre," Sonic muttered, shaking his head, "I should go tell Tails. Maybe he has an idea as to what Shadow's problem is. And as to why he's not orbiting space in the format of a collection of parts, for that matter."  
And so Sonic rode the train to the Mystic Ruins, which was a very short trip considering the fact that he only had to change adventure fields. He stepped out and was immediately splashed by a rather rude tidal wave. Taking a few minutes to pick himself out of the tree he ended up in, Sonic noted that the mountain path leading to Angel Island reopened.   
"Great. Angel Island fell again, too. What is going on here?"   
A familiar voice rang from behind him.  
  
Tails: Hey Sonic wuzzup!?  
  
"Eh?! Not you too, Tails!"  
  
Tails: Waaah wheres aunt Sally i want her!  
  
"...Who? I didn't know you had an aunt." Sonic found himself backing away, and right into a certain red echidna.  
  
Knuckles: Sonic, you mofo! You be dissin' my emeralds homeslice? Mon? Gonna beat yo' ass toot sweet! An den you gonna tell me if I Jamaican, Mayan, African-Merican, Japanese, or wha'! Yo' foo'! Mon!  
  
"What is going ON here?" Again Sonic took off running to the train station, managing to outrun both of his formerly coherent friends. As the train pulled away (it was patiently waiting for him, you see), both fox and echidna were waving after him to return.  
"Oh man," Sonic groaned. "As much as I hate to say it, I think I'm going to have to see if Amy's been affected too..."  
  
Sonic stood in front of Amy's apartment door, his hand poised to knock but frozen in mid-stroke. He knew what would happen if she wasn't coherent. Or heck, what would happen even if she was. But it was worth a shot. Amy could be useful when she put her mind to it.  
He knocked.  
The door burst open and Amy squealed in a frankly very obnoxious manner.  
  
Amy: SONIC! OMG!!!1 i cant beleive yur here cum in an lets haev hot amnal sex lol!  
  
Sonic, rather expectedly, screamed. He again repeated the mad retreat, leaping out of the apartment building from the second floor and made his escape down the street. Amy leaned on the balcony and called after him.  
  
Amy: Cum bakc Sonic i haev whiped creem an roep lol!  
  
By the time his feet and lungs finally screamed in pain from being overworked, he found himself in the desert area of 'Dr. Eggman's home base' fame. Since Sonic had no idea where Rouge was, he had no choice but to try confronting Eggman as a last hope.   
Because the world was not in game mode, he found it very easy to just walk into the pyramid and into Eggman's living quarters within it. He knocked politely at a stone slab door.  
"Hey, Eggman! Open up!"  
The door slid open and the perpetual villain figure peered out, enclad in a bathrobe and carrying a carefully customized rubber duck whose name is probably EggDuckie.  
"Oh, Sonic, hi. I'm about to take a bath, so any acts of hero-villainy are going to have to wait..."  
"Thank goodness!" Sonic found himself filled with the urge to embrace Eggman. He quickly came to his senses and destroyed the thought with a mental homing attack.  
"Eh? What's this then?"  
"Everyone else is talking weird and acting... acting..."  
"Cliché?"  
"Yeah, something like that."  
"That would be my fault," Eggman admitted sheepishly, "I found an ancient relic called 'The Fanfiction Writer's Box' and I opened it... At first, I thought nothing happened, until I found myself overcome with this incredible urge for blood and to scream for someone named Snively. I realized I was acting and talking strangely, like you said."  
"Er, if that's the case, why are you okay now?"  
Eggman shrugged. "Author's convenience?"  
"Oh. You think the author could fix the problems?"  
"Probably," he replied, "since the author wrote us into this mess in the first place. I wouldn't have found the box if they hadn't willed it to be. Kind of like God, only with more spare time and better access to poorly made websites."  
"O-okay. So, where would I find the author?"  
"Use the box," he said, pointing to a cardboard box with dials drawn on it ala Calvin and Hobbes.   
Sonic climbed into the box and found it, mysteriously, flying out of the pyramid and into the sky. It wasn't long before it flew literally through the sky, which shattered with a magical sound, and into what appeared to be a basement. In front of a computer sat our intrepid author, clicking away at the keyboard and writing these VERY WORDS right this moment. Kind of creepy, isn't it? To know that reality is overlapping itself and you are subject of this blatant disregard for the fourth wall? Oh, the power.  
"Ahem."  
What? Oh. Hi. Yeah. The story. So what do you want?  
"For everything to be fixed!"  
I don't normally write bad, you know. I just did it for the sake of humor.  
"Yeah, but I didn't think it was very funny. Especially that part with Amy."  
Fine. Fine. I'll fix everything. ...But, can I write you into a yaoi with Shadow?   
"NO!"  
Why not? You can be on top. And I'll write it good. And not angsty. And realistic, too. None of this 'I suddenly realized I had feelings for you' crap. Just a good clean slash fic?  
"No, forget it! ...Well, maybe, but now's not the time to talk about that!"  
Okay, okay. Sheesh. Pushy, aren't you?  
"Only because you write me that way."  
True. Okay, off you go then.  
With his mission a success, Sonic remounted the cardboard box and flew back to his reality, where everything was, in its own way, normal.  
If you can call a world containing magical gemstones, animals with extraordinary, physically-impossible abilities, a single repeating villain, and magically appearing plot contrivances normal. But hey. It's just a game.  
  
---  
  
All Sonic characters are lovingly copyrighted to Sega and the Sonic Team. I am copyrighted to myself. Or I hope to God that's the case, at least. 


End file.
